Finally! Though Sterek might want to choose somewhere softer than an elevator...
Or not. ;-P
The ep starts like every one should: with Stiles on top of Derek. Stiles decides that exposition is what is most called for in the moment and blah blahs the last scene from the prev ep. Derek rushes off to grep Cora and catch up the rest of the Scoobs on the bad news about Scott. Meanwhile, Stiles' prediction that the Feds would come raining down if the Darach weren't Dar-caught comes true and he spares with some new character that is evidently the anti-Stalinski.
Were you on Twin Peaks?
FBI-jerk shares a clue with the audience:
But who could be the final sacrifice?!?!???
Back at Camp Teen Wolf, Isaac lays down the guilt on Derek for sleeping with Jen-rach and storms off. Peter decides that the best plan of action is to make Derek feel insecure about his completely decimated former pack because #Peter #helpful
Camp Human (Stiles, Allison, and Blue Eyes) decide to mount a rescue after name-dropping Ms. Morrell. Stiles and Allison decide that it's time Lydia got some screen time, so the Argents pull together the basics. Then Isaac shows up to flirt with Allison.
Please note that all of these are guns that will not go off in the third act of this episode.
#fail
Peter gets down to doing the other thing that he does well: monologuing about the National Geographic special he watched last night and using it to BS new werewolf lore. Evidently, as of this episode, Derek can lick his sister until she eats his Alpha powers like phoenix down and resurrects, but he'll be left a blue-eyed Beta/dead?
At the Sepulcher of the Banshee, aka Lydia's room, our Wailing Woman decides to show off her near-death-experience scar and her mom is, for once, NOT a total tool about it! Yay Lydia's mom! Maybe Jen-rach will kill you instead!
Speaking of parents turning over new leaves, when the Argents and Isaac arrive at the bank, Blue Eyes goes cray and tasers Isaac before handcuffing his daughter to the same bars where Erika died! Good parenting, bro! Then he drops his gun and gives himself up to the skulking Jen-rach. She's like, "'Pprec' your style, corpse-guy!"
Stiles and Lydia, meanwhile, start brainstorming about why Jen-rach would have wanted to kill her BEFORE she found out that Lyds was an Irish death god. Unfortunately, Stiles gets a text from Isaac about Blue Eyes and he has a panic attack. Lydia does the only thing she can think of to redirect the flow of blood from his worrying brain and totes puts the moves on Stiles.
Lydia Martin: Savin' Lives on the Reg.
After calming all the 'mones down, StLydia try to track down Morrell and we get the second appearance of Teen Wolf's most underrated character: Twinque! They quickly pull out Lydia's file and uncover the over-foreshadowed fact that Lydia has been drawing the same oak tree for the past 10 episodes and that it is a VERY IMPORTANT CLUE. In fact, it's so important that Lydia has been drawing it upside down: it's the roots of the Nematon (sp?)!
Meanwhile, inside that self-same root cellar the Guardians, a.k.a. surviving parents, are tied up and bonding over their upcoming demise. Jen-rach waltzes in and gives a creepy pep talk about how the parents' deaths will ensure that the world is a safer place for their kids. Well, all their kids except Dr. Mom's. #evillol
FBI-jerk splits Stiles off from Lydia and interrogates him for information until Deaton swings by to act all guardian-like and take him "home". He's probably recruiting back-up to help save his sister, who seems to have pissed off her pack and been forced to mountain ash herself a sactuary:
Scott and the remainder of the Alpha pack show up and we get more tying together of season-long mysteries: The Girl who saved an amnesiac Isaac before being murdered by Deucalion at the beginning of the series was working for Morrell and had a name: Brayden! Then she reveals that Deucalion, not Derek, was Ennis's murderer and a rage-filled Demon Wolf lobs his pointy walking stick over the mountain ash and into her heart arm!!! (Whew!!! I thought Teen Wolf was going to kill another character of color!)
Morrell's knocked out of her sanctuary circle, but Scott rushes to defend her and she repays him with the information we already know: everyone needs to find the Nematon.
Why do they need to find the Nematon? Because Sheriff Dad is telling a story about the first time he encountered the supernatural: he had a preternatural warning about his wife's death, and he ignored it, and he's beaten himself up ever since. Blue Eyes gets bored and triggers his pocket electronic dog-whistle. #ofcourseduh
So the Scoobies all get together, Scott included, and hatch a plan where Scott, Stiles, and Allison take their parents' places and die for a sec. Dr. Vet tells us what we know about all towns in California: the Nematon is the Hellmouth upon which Beacon Hills was built and it's magic will bring baddies a circlin' for seasons to come and fill our heroes hearts with the purest of angst.
Everyone is CLEARLY on board with this FOOLPROOF plan and Deaton pulls out his fav trick: Ice Baths of Death-Like Trance! He says that he, Lydia, and Isaac will have to hold one person under and bring that person back, and in order to do that they have to have made sex-eyes an emotional connection. Lyds is all, "I'm with Alli! #yuri!" until Deaton says, "Martin, you're on Stalinski. These past two season haven't been for nothing!" Then Allison looks at Isaac and Scott is like, "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #getsit"
"People skills" must be why Deaton went into the veterinary sciences.
OH MY GOSH THEN WE GET THE REVEAL OF WHO FBI-JERK IS AND IT IS SCOOOOTTTTT'S VAAAADERRRRRR!!!!!!!!!
If that tiny book is Scott's copy of a Tale of Two Cities then I am Jabba the Hutt. #sparknotes
(But, also, yes we understand the theme of sacrifice, JD!)
Der-der finally stops dicking around (he has LITERALLY been making the decision of whether or not to save his sister for TWENTY-FOUR HOURS) and sucks all the death out of his sis, losing his Alpha mojo but gaining some sexy-veiny arms.
CGI love you.
Then everybody dies.
#ophelia
PREVIEW TIME!
At least one person doesn't die! Mid-Season Finale! One of the twin(k)s rips off his shirt and it is HOT! MID-SEASON FINALE! Deuc and Jen-rach have a Hulk-scale battle!! MID-SEASON FINALE HOOOOO!
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