Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Unleashed! Teen Wolf Recap S03E04

Today's episode is called "Unleashed!" and I for one am eagerly anticipating this series letting go of its strictures and giving us some hot Danny-on-Alpha-Twin(k) make-outs. Will we get them?!?!

Woof! Well, we definitely get some man candy right off the bat: a cute boy with a lot of feels for his cute pup and some baleful eyes for our woefully straight hero! 

"Hopefully someone has diddled me or I am D-E-A-D."

Welp, Scott, vet-in-training, finds some mistletoe in the dog's stool. And we all know what that means: occult sacrifice #4! This time it's an "It" homage, which just goes to show you that pretty boys need to study their classic horror mosters!

Ms. Jennifer Blake Calendar is feeling the PTSD from her run in with the Wolf-gelus twins, but no worries, that tingle at the back of her neck is just unnaturally cute'd up Derek coming to flirt with her! With LITERARY BRAINS! Calendar takes the cake in this scene, though, with her perfectly earnest McCarthyism joke:

Calendar: I have to teach the Crucible in 5 minutes! (so you should probs change into something a little more pants-less)
Derek: I read that play! McCarthyism!
Calendar: "Is that a subtle clue that I should keep quiet??" #realpanic #forthelulz

GRRRRRRRL, u the buuuhhhhhst!!!!!!!!!

Thankfully, we switch scenes to the show's best setting, the boys locker room! Stiles and Scott talk about boy-ginity and murder and then Danny is awesome.

"I boink people to save LIVES."

The Coach tells us that EVERYONE IS A LARD BUCKET and so every boy character has to run 100 miles of cross country EVERY DAY, SHIRTLESS so they get nice and twink-y unlike THESE CLOWNS:

#bodyimage (Shirtless boy count: 2)

Isaac gets cruised by the Alphas, then they tie him up, and then, just as things start to get hot and heavy... 

...a screamer finds the late bloomer from the start of the ep strung up by his dog's leash. 
You know, Jeff, when I said I wanted one less virgin in Beacon Hills this is NOT what I had in mind.

Anyway, Sheriff Dad was hiding in the bushes the whole time, so he quickly rushes up and shoos all the characters away. Some blonde sees the body and is all, "No, no! Why did I wait until we attained emotional maturity before deflowering him?!!?" and Isaac-the-blond is all, "The twins did this!" Stiles, on the other hand, is like, "Uh, nuh-uh, derrrr", so Isaac is all, "Scott, which of your boyfriends is right??? (Actually, psyche, I don't care I totes have a murder-boner for the twin(k)s, PEACE!)"

At Chez Hale, Cora and Derek have a sibling work-out/emote-out when suddenly THE ALARM GOES OFF NO JOKE ZORDON IS CALLING AND HE NEEDS FIVE TEENS WITH ATTITUDE (and claws)!

Actually it makes even less sense than that. Hippie Alpha and Mark-Saling-on-Steriods Alpha walk into Derek's unlocked house and stab him with a pipe. (WTF?)
Flesh Wound.

Oh, it's all just pretense so Blind-o McHottie can make his villain speech. Evidently, Deucalion wants Derek to kill his pack so he can join the Alpha pack? Because all of them murdered their pups? 

"I'm not a villain, I just killed a bunch of people after I made them dependent upon me by ruining their lives!" - This Guy

Allison is tired and hallucinating about her mother (YES LET'S KEEP EADDY EMPLOYED), but Ms. Morrell ain't playin': it's time for our Mid-Day Lycanthropy Secrets Showdown! Round One: Allison leads with, "What were you doing at the bank last night?" How will Morrell dodge?? "No, what were YOU doing there???" A pithy and low blow for the combo French teacher and guidance counselor!!!! And the result is... Allison gets detention! -_- I wonder which character she's going to primarily interact with?

Isaac is pissed and raring for a fight... So the Alpha twin(k)s give him one: The straight one beats up the gay one, Nathan, in a TOTALLY not at ALL SM way and frames Isaac! Isaac gets detention, Scott is pissed, and Danny gets to come to Nathan's rescue ("Hurt/comfort est CHAUD" - Ms. Morrell)!

Back at Crime-Procedural-Teen-Wolf, the Stiles uncovers that Bullet's daddy (Kyle) was NOT a virgin and that Sheriff Dad is bringing the FBI to Beacon Hills. Uh-oh, someone's weird and eldritch god is not going to be happy!

Detention starts, and Isaac and Allison are set up as romantic distractions interests and/or comic scene partners:
Allison: Yo, betch, don't tell anyone about my helping you kick those Lunites' butts yesterday night.
Isaac: No prob, sadist-who-stabbed-me-a-lot-last-year.
Allison: LOL, good times...

Then, sh!t gets real, for perhaps the first time this ep: Someone closes and barricades the door, trapping Isaac in the small closet and triggering his PTSD from his abusive childhood (remember the freezer his dad would lock him in?). He goes wolf and attacks Allison, but before he can get bite-y Scott swoops in and Alphas Isaac back to normal. (Remember when only Derek could do that? PACK DEVELOPMENTS) Scott, Allison, and Isaac decide they are gonna revenge-hunt some Alphas!

Stiles clues up some clues from Boyd: Kyle and Boyd did ROTC together. Then he bounces theories off Lydia: the killer's new  characteristic is puppies! Lyds is all, "Wait, while you were vomming words, did you just accidentally say that Aiden, my hot and annoying date, is an ALPHA?!? Oh, and isn't your dad's job shooting human, serial-killing occultists? #getahobby"

Isaac, Allison, and Scott's revenge on the Alpha twin(k)s is a trick where Aiden (Straight One) gets suspended for Isaac riding AIDEN'S motorcycle through the school! LOLOLOh, those crazy high school shenanigans! ... -_-

Meanwhile, in Derek's expanding puddle of blood, Deucalion finishes his HOURS LONG dramatic pause (seriously, it started before lunch period and ends during the last class of the day), by stating that gestault theory applies to eating killing your wolf pack, he had a sordid history with Derek's momma, and that he's "The Demon Wolf" (LAWL) who is so loud he can break his glasses by shouting a lot.

(Editor's Note: Despite my better judgment, this scene reminds me of good Tenth Doctor and I love it. #shame)

Meanwhile, at Sweet Valley High, Danny is practicing his trumpeting (the boy sure can BLOW!) and Lydia is drawing a tree - until Danny tells her that she is in the music room, not MAO practice, and the teacher hasn't shown up. Lydia knows what that means: dead body findin' time!

Well, not quite: she finds a cell phone recording of the murder... AND THERE'S DRUIDIC CHANTING!

Stiles recruits the town mystic/vet and Stiles, Lydia, and Dr. Deaton team up to hunt the druidic murderer. Lydia PRODUCT PLACEMENTS the murder clue on the dead prof's PRODUCT PLACEMENT while Stiles rummages for MOAR CLUZ. They find the connection: the newbie murders are soldiers, not virgins! Lydia pulls a hat trick and guesses the next victim: Mr. D!ckhead McScienceTeacher!

While the Scoobies rush to the science room, gang members Isaac and Scott wander down the empty hall reliving their pack fights of the day... Until they run into the Alpha twin(k)s who combine into their gestault form (Shirtless Boy Count: 5, counting their beefed up double-body double!!!!) and kick their butts! They're essentially dead when Demon Wolf shows up and stops everything by whipping out his sword walking-stick (is he, like, the Penguin?) and slicing the twins' pretty faces! "No! Those Gamma wolves are snacks are for Derek!" 

My only question is why he was even there. Did the twin(k)s call him for a ride home after their bikes got trashed? Because someone should tell them that he is blind.

Anyway, the Scoobies are too late, but the teach left behind a clue: the Gaelic word for TOTES SITH LORD ZOMG!!!!!
#EvilDruid #IAteTheBones

Back at Derek's Moody Castle, the broody Alpha is breaking up with Isaac and kicking him out of the empty, inhospitable loft they squat in share! It is word for word every heartbreaking scene where the closeted gay dude breaks up his happy queer relationships to pursue an unsatisfying hetero marriage. It is totes sad. D: 

But all is not lost! Isaac turns up in Scott's bed room! (#Hott) Looking for a place to stay! (#Hottt) Dressed only in a soaking wet white shirt! (#HOTTTTTTTTT)

"We only have one bed... and none of my dry clothes will fit you..." #fanficprompt

Finally, we catch up with the other skinny white boy caught out in the rain: the science teacher. Evidently he was in cahoots with the killer!!! Oops!

 What did you think of this ep? I loved the heavy scenes and was not terribly interested in the school fights. Now that Cora has had some lines, do you like her or hate her? She seems even more useless than Dawn Summers, IMO, but hopefully the rest of the season will hold some sort of development for her.

Next week we deal with this whole someone's-got-to-die thing!

Monday, June 24, 2013

SuperQueeros! for June 26th, 2013

It's a hummingbird! It's a Hot Wheels Plane! It's... No teaser this week! SuperQueeros: all that's lesbian, gay, bisexual, transexual, transgendered, and queer in comics today!

Morning Glories #28
Evidently this issue is going to be a double-sized conclusion to the first arc of the new season. That's two double size issues all at once! I wonder if that means that the trade will only be issues 27 and 28... ANYWAY IS THAT HISAO/JUN ON THE COVER WTF I THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD! And, most importantly, is he gay like his twin?

Prophet #36
No mention of John Ka in the solicit, but it is getting pretty dramatic in the Prophet-verse!

FF #8
Everyone goes to rescue Bentley-23! Will Tong's gender identity help her save the day?

Chew #35
The hunt for the vampire continues! I don't think we had John or Mike last issue... fingers crossed! And also hidden far away from any chibopathic mouths!

Avengers Arena #11
Now that Mettle is totes dead and Finesse is outside of Chester's Mill, Hazmat and Reptil are evidently pairing up. Unless this is a bi triple involving Bloodstone, color me YAWN. Unless unless this is just build-up for killing off Reptil...

X-Men #2
John Sublime's sister is on the warpath, and Sublime himself is here to help the team take her down. But with his sister in control of Omega Sentinel, will the X-men survive long enough to decide if they can trust him? Oh, and will we see more of Bling!?????????

Teen Titans #21
Everyone knows Robin is bad! How does Bunker feel about one of his straight best friends being a totes baddie???

All New X-Men #13
The baby X-men take the fight to Mystique as they try to clear their names!

Justice League Dark #21
We find out how all the kids die! Including Xanadu? Isn't that exactly how her powers don't work?

Young Avengers #6
One of the best and queerest books around tackles Speed and Prodigy, the least interesting character and the most PERFECT (if he were queer) character, respectively. Wiccan and Hulkling might show up in this book, or it will be about the twenty-something experience at a desk job. So, basically, you can't go wrong with this one!

True Blood #14
More undead waitresses! Possible Lafayette?

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Teen Wolf 3x03: Fireflies

I started recapping Teen Wolf over at GeeksOut, so I'm gonna cross-post. You can read my episode 1 and 2 summaries over there!

We start out looking at the beautiful night sky, watching some kid and his sister catch fireflies. We get the Theme of The Episode early this time, with the sister basically telling "Billy" that teenage werewolves, like fireflies, need metaphorical air holes and real moonlight otherwise they will become crazed baby killers- Oh, hey, speak of the devil, here's Boyd!
This turn of the screw if short-lived, however, as the kids forget to pour ammonia on the floor of Old Man Frampton's shed (dumb kids...) and Boyd smells them and picks it up by the door and smashes it. Yes, "it" is the whole shed. 
Anyway, the annoyingly didactic kids are about to eat it 4sure when their forgotten firefly jar bumps into Boyd and releases its payload of fireflies! Boyd, of course, HATES AND FEARS fireflies, so he obvs distracted from his veal-meal due to needing to swat them away before they glow on him. 
The kids are ninjas and totally smoke bomb out of there while he's distracted. Awww, Scott saved them with his Kryptonian Werewolf Speed! My ovaries are on overload!
Lydia is totes migraine-y from her nightmares and has been popping ibuprofen like Flintstone gummy vitamins. Anyway, she needs more and so she heads out, but not before noting that, like the rest of the cast, she does have a moon-disease: LUNACY! Her phone must have it too, since she ends up at a murder scene instead of CVS. J/K, it's just a dummy in a swimming pool (wtf?). Just kidding, her hands are covered in blood! The hot night lifeguard WAS MURDERED! 
Scott and Derek are free-running (Scott does a flip!). 
This flip is from later in the ep, but it is much more hilarious. OFF OF A SCHOOL BUS!
Allison is remembering what Scott said about her mom. He told her her mom was a homicidal crazy in a cute way.
Cut to: Some cute lesbians (Lady lovin'!!!!) are about to get it on in their magic deflowering tent. One of them starts hallucinating about bugs and runs into the woods to get eaten teleported by the magic bugs. Back at camp Hippie Alpha and Team White Boys fight over the remaining lesbian.
Stiles shows up at the pool-murder and, LOL, gets mad when Lydia called 9-1-1 before calling him. Never change, Lyds. Anyway, the lifeguard has great pecs (Shirtless Boy 1!) and a purity ring (it literally says "PURITY") and was clearly murdered by not-a-crazy-werewolf. 
Derek is all, "Cora is too slow and gimpy to have made it to the pool by now!" and Scott is all, "Nope, they're murderers, let's call in the exterminators!" Scott goes to talk to Blue-Eyes Argent (who ONLY grocery shops at 11 pm at the Super Walmart) while Derek and Isaac sit in Derek's... cab? Is Derek a CABBIE?!?! 
Anyway, Boyd's first name is Vernon and Scott convinces Blue Eyes to help catch the Deadites Lunites.
Meanwhile, Sheriff Dad is interviewing Caitlyn, but they think her werewolf story is a hallucination from all that X she took. For the camping.  Also, Allison is actually doing stuff in order to catch the Lunites while the boys pose and slow-motion walk like bad-as-es. Blue Eyes uses "Apex predator" and "satiated" in a single sentence and everyone decides it makes sense to trap the Lunites in the boiler room of the school because no one is ever there late, ESPECIALLY in the past year. ESPECIALLY not the hot new English teacher. 
Next is more parkour while Team White Boy strategically places automatic dog whistles around the area in order to... annoy the Lunites into the school basement. 
Olympic material!
Speaking of annoying people into a strategic position, Lydia or Stiles annoys the other one into her room and Lydia says her murderer theory is... PETER! ...Who is recommending that Derek kill his sister. Lovely.
Doctor Mom is putting her murder theory to Stiles (She works in the morgue too, I guess? PROMOTION! DEMOTION!), and it goes like this: RITUALISTIC HUMAN SACRIFICES! Turns out a girl was murdered too, in the same way, but is it Heather or Emily????
We have to wait to find out, because Blue Eyes is noting a VERY IMPORTANT plot point from Lost that the glowing fireflies are an invasive species and their glitz and glamour will push out the dull, dun native California variety. Oh, and the Lunites arrive at school and the trap goes awry (BUT HOW??? THE TRAPPERS ARE SO SMART!)
It's Heather! Stiles has feels!!!! 
Then he flashes to all the clues: purity ring, losing her birthday v-card, losing her lady v-card, bioluminescing, in-heat fireflies... SOMEONE IS KILLING JONAS BROTHERS! 
No worries at the school though, Allison is on the case! She flare-arrows the wolves into the school, then runs away before she can have a line. Then the plan WORKS?! Everyone is shocked. The sound tech plays the triumph music.
Then Scott hears three heartbeats in the basement.
"I have never watched Season 2 of Buffy." - Our Generation's Ms. Calendar
Anyway, Derek distracts the Lunites from Ms. Calendar by getting sliced and diced and manages to survive until sun-up. Then he goes to flirt with the teach and Stiles tells Scott that the human sacrifice plot line is called "Three-Fold Murder" and that SH1T B CRAY.
Hey, just for fun, let's count the virgins in the cast:
1) Stiles
2-4) The Gammas?
5) Stiles
Yup, Stiles is definitely going to be target number Episode7!

Next week, Cali shoves a pipe through Cabbie Derek! That boy catches zero breaks! And fewer fares!

Monday, June 17, 2013

SuperQueeros! for June 19th, 2013

Who's your favorite queer comic creator? If your answer is Phil Jimenez, then congrats, this week you get your same favorite SuperQueeros plus a variant cover by your favorite queer creator! SuperQueeros: all that's lesbian, gay, bisexual, transexual, transgendered, and queer in comics today!

Batwoman #21
Killer Croc has seen some interesting mutations over the course of his stint as a Batwoman villain. This issue we get to see just what sort of cult is rescuing his newly un-hydra'd behind and what sort of direction they are breathing into him. Oh, and Batwoman kicks his butt.

X-Factor #258

The End of X-Factor #1 of 6! Yup, Peter David's 9 year run with X-Factor Investigations is coming to a close, and it all starts here! If there was ever an unresolved X-Factor plot thread that you wanted answered, the info is coming in this story! Evidently that includes Longshot's relationship to Shatterstar, a secret that has been decades in the making. I just hope that Ric and 'Star get a happily ever after. <3 div="">

Life with Archie #30
Check out the variant cover by real life superqueero Phil Jimenez! Plus, in Archie Marries Veronica..., it's the eve of the election and Myrth is about to make his move! But how will this affect Kevin and Clay???

Mara #5
Penultimate issue! Now that the nuclear option is on the table, I guess we'll see who can survive fallout better, humanity or a ticked off, superpower-ed lesbian Mara.

Wonder Woman #21
Now that the First Born and Diana have met it's time for some sibling rivalry! Via, of course, a knock-down, drag-out fight!

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Scarlet Betch Episode 74

Hey Betches!

Hi folks! So we've been known to go on hiatuses every now and then... but this last one was a doozy! We're back this week and in rare form. This episode is all ladies all the time. With Marvel's release of Fearless Defenders and their all women X-men, we've got a lot of divas floatin' around. We also shake our fists at Peter David for possibly killing off two of our favorite queeros, and facepalm at Demon Knights' new gendered treatment of Sir Ystin. We got a lot more this episode. Hope you enjoy! Subscribe to our podcast over at the iTunes site, or download it directly HERE!

Monday, June 10, 2013

SuperQueeros! for June 12th, 2013

When it rains, it pours. And to get me through all the rain here in ATL, 'queero comics are pouring out this week! SuperQueeros: all that's lesbian, gay, bisexual, transexual, transgendered, and queer in comics today!

EDIT: Supurbia 8 came out this week too!!!

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 9: Freefall #22
Buffy, Willow, and Xander are reunited and off on an adventure! The only problem is that one of them is a traitor, and the little adventure they're undertaking is mostly just a distraction so that the baddies can do some deviousness! That is, unless that sentient red balloon is hella powerful...

Demon Knights #21
Vandal and Etrigan with the Holy Grail?! That can't be good! What will vampire Ystin have to say about that, I wonder...

Wolverine and the X-Men #31
The lil' Hellfire babies have started their own academy for kidnapped X-men! Luckily they made primo hiring choices and Mystique is leading the staff! (She is sure wearing a lot of hats these days!)

Astonishing X-Men #63
The Saga of Bobby's Exes continues (including Mystique! She has more books this week than Wolvie...) as we count down to Evil Iceman!

Batgirl #21
Alysia Yeoh wasn't in the last issue, but the cray-mazing Puppeteer was, and her psychotic murder spree continues this week!

A Distant Soil #40
Liana has lost control of her abilities and is poised to cause Phoenix-level destruction! Can she rein in her psychic destruction?

Artifacts #28
A lot of the characters in this book are super Catholic... hopefully they still have room for Finch in the narrative!

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

SuperQueeros! for June 5th, 2013

Now this is more like it! This week we have a bumper crop of books featuring... SuperQueeros: all that's lesbian, gay, bisexual, transexual, transgendered, and queer in comics today!

Fearless Defenders #5
Misty Knight hires some friggin' HEROES! Which ones? Regardez the cover, s'il vous plait. She hires THEM ALL. #doommaidenbrawl

Locke & Key: Omega #5
Dodge's shadow forces are on the move, Tyler's been shot, and seniors are dying at an alarmingly graphic rate. Will Dodge win, or can the Lockes pull out a victory at the last second?

X-Factor #257
Rictor and Shatterstar aren't gone, according to the character page! Who knows if they're still dead, though. What with Strong Guy being the new Lord of Hell, maybe they're the underground division of X-Factor Investigations... Oh, and Demon!Jamie is being held prisoner in Marrakesh.

Kevin Keller #9
Summer issue! Kevin (and the two rivals for boyfriend status on his Facebook page) in swimsuits!

Avengers Arena #10

Nico takes on Justin's Sentinel! What developments will we get for proto-gay Bloodstone?

Fashion Beast #10
The last issue! With Le Patron dead, will Doll pass on his legacy to the deserving man she just outed to the DADT armed forces with whom she had him sent away?

Detective Comics #21
Harper joins Batman on a missions! Maybe we'll see something about her bro?

All New X-men #12
Mystique's plans, though thwarted by the Avengers in the short term, continue to unfold. Oh, and Young Scott meets Old Alex the Avenger.

Earth 2 #13
Judging from the upcoming covers, it looks like this is the prelude to a war between the rising legions of metahumans. What terrible secret will the World Army discover?

The Movement #2
Being responsible for the protection of peace and harmony in a whole quarter of a city is a daunting task, but the Movement is ready to face it head on. But will we be getting any character backstories this issue...?

Stormwatch #21
Now Stormwatch fights Lobo!