Currents ~≈~≈ Teen Wolf S03E07

I've got a low-grade fever, but, SPOILERS, I survive this episode, unlike somewolves... Drink some chicken soup, everywolf!!!!

We start with a recap of Werewolf Physics and Torture, so this ep is getting off to a good start! Then we move to Human Anatomy, where Doctor Mom is rushing patients into ER. "I need some lines, stat! (My rent is due!)" Evidently there has been a million-car pile-up and the surgeon is MISSING and- didn't they do this episode last season???

Hey, did you remember that werewolves are evil clerics?! I didn't, but Scott did, so he heals an extra like, "This is normal! Phoenix Down!"

Then Ethan rushes Danny in, all not-visibly-but-mortally-wounded!!!

"Help! He's too hot to touch!

(Also, ignore that head trauma victim, plz)"

The back-up doctor has a NAME (Dr. Hilliard),  LINES and a PLOT?! Last season that woulda meant nothing, but with the new "continuity" thing TWs is trying, THIS COULD BE IMPORTANT! (Spoilers: it's not.)

NP, guyz! Dans was just poisoned with some mistletoe in his... onions and black-eyed peas? Y'all know you stopped shooting this in ATL, raight? Also, isn't that the nifty werewolf-poison we learned about in ep 4? (Yeah, I had to google it too.) So someone thinks Danny is a 'wolf? #foreshadowing? Oh, n/m, Danny is still dying, but Dr. Mom adrenalines him back to the land of the living.

Hot Shirtless (Dying) Boy Count: 1!!!

Dr. Hilliard is killed by butterflies. 

Yup.

So the Darahk uses magic insects to kill. I wonder what those fireflies were for? "The first victim had photoptarmosis!!!!" #TWstyle

Anyway, the butterflies were the teleporting kind, so Dr. H's car rolls driverless into the hospital lot, Scott and Dylan decide the two missing docs are sacrifices, and Sheriff Dad clues us in that they've found a body. 

At the murder scene, Blue Eyes, Deuc, and... Aiden? stand around watching, not suspiciously at all. Well, Deuc listens to Aiden narrate the murder scene because, you know, blindness. Also, I guess that means we know why the twins got hired into the Alpha packed: seeing-eye houseboys!

Derek is sleeping when the Ranger Alert goes off and Alpha 5 and Zordon tell him that he needs to get down the the Angel Grove docks!

Will I ever stop laughing at this?

Cora's like, "Nah, we just got death-threat graffiti'd."

Cute Sleeping Boys Because Dr. Mom Might Be the 3rd Victim.

Jenny-the-Reincarnated-Ms.-Calendar is substituting for the science teacher because all the real substitute teachers are dead, Beacon Hills High's teachers only EVER work half days, and the show ran out of money for incidental characters. Also, this scene has NO relevance to the rest of the episode. Scott gets a call from Dr. Vet who IS THE THIRD SACRIFICE OMG AWESOME.

Soz, Dr. Mom. Better plot next time!

Oh, the Blue and Black Rangers show up to play Home Alone at Chez Hale.

At the vet's office, Scott and Stiles tell Sheriff Dad no clues. Scott's all, "Stiles, you need to come out to your Dad! What will happen when you marry Derek? Will you invite him to the wedding???" Stiles is all, "Okay, let's tell him I'm dating a werewolf!" BUT Ms. Morrell has beaten him to the punch! (Oh, btw, she's Dr. Vet's sister.) She shoos the cops away and tells the boiz, "Use your magichound, DUH!" Then she disappears for the rest of episode. #nicesister

HSBC: 2!

Since Stiles isn't cluing in his dad, Dr. Mom decides to team up with him. She explains how the doctors have died (rope crucifiction). 

At school, Cora pulls the fire alarm to clear all the extras out of the plot, then goes to see Lydia and is all, "Stop boning Aiden or I'll go all demon-wolf on you!" Lyds is like, #notphased, but then Stiles busts in with a oujia board. #notkidding #logic

Scott and Deuc decide to team up to find Dr. Vet by fighting and then sharing a cryptic clue about currents, which is good because Stiles' psychometry experiment (think Longshot's powers) with Lydia isn't working and Stiles is ignoring the fact that his automatic writing experiment did work: Lydia started drawing the tree from episode Danny-in-the-music-room! They go to find the D-dawg himself, and Scott splits off to go get a boner in the closet with Allison. (God I wish I were kidding.)

Also, Allison forgot to change out of her Little House on the Prairie costume. Embarrassment 4totes!

Anyway, Blue Eyes has a secret map of all the sacrifice locations (Spoilers: there are as many sacrifices as Cylons!) , so Scott gets a snap of all the potential drop locations. Stiles steals Danny's report on Darahk Murder Locales (And Deucalion's Cryptic Clue) and the two super-sleuths triangulate.

Back at Power Rangers HQ, Hippie Alpha cuts the power, thereby circumventing all one of the McCulkin-traps. Derek wolfs out, then Cali reveals her plan: the twin(k)s will kill Ms. Calendar unless he agrees to an ALPHA WOLF PUDDLE CAGE MATCH! I guess Jenny knows she boned a dog now!

The Scoobies (Cora, Lyds, Stiles, and Scott) figure out that Dr. Vet is in the vault set on soundstage 2, but then Cora gets a text from Boyd: "Hy grl, ur bro abt to be killd @pimp loft. B thurr or b^2" Scott takes Deaton and Stiles uses his magic Jeep powers to get Cora to the cage match.

At the bank, Deaton is surrounded by ash and Scott goes red-eyed trying to get through the wolf-field. Not sure why he didn't try a broom... Anyway, Sheriff Dad shows up (How? Oh, evidently the bank is a celtic symbol that means "Find the Vet at the Bank") and straight-up shoots Deaton down! Looks like Allison isn't the only Hawkeye on set! Anyway, Deaton tells Scott he's a "True Alpha", so he won't have to kill anyone to go all red-eyed in the finale. **YAWN**

The rest of the Scoobs turn on the power at Chez Hale, but in the ensuing hullabaloo the Alphas force Derek to kill Boyd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No One is Happy About This, TW.

BUT THEN!!!!!!! we get a flashback to Erika (hey grrl!) waxing poetic about some new lunar eclipse plot point making werwolves stronger (Strong enough for Boyd and Erika to pull a Peter Hale??????) before Cali kills her.

At Colonel Grandpa's, Blue Eyes lets us in on the fact that Tigh knows all about the Darahk. Allison busts in when he leaves: "Maybe I can get some relevance to this season now!"

And the preview says... Nope, it's a Cora ep. But Gerard does start talking!

SuperQueeros! for July 17th, 2013

Batwoman!

We've got some great queer comics, plus I've got some queer and queer-adjacent shout-outs! SuperQueeros: all that's lesbian, gay, bisexual, transexual, transgender, and queer in comics today!

Batwoman #22

The D.E.O. are importing villains to take on Batman. What does that mean for Batwoman and Flamebird? Classic villains smack-down!!!

X-Factor

Invincible #104 

Last issue our happy homos Rick Sheridan and William Clockwell showed up for Angstrom Levy's return. Will the last through his vengeful stay this month???

X-Factor #259

THE TRUTH ABOUT LONGSHOT AND SHATTERSTAR?!?!?! FINALLY???? AFTER 20 YEARS????? YEEEEEESSSSSSSS! (Oh, also I guess this means Ric and 'Star are alive!!)

FF #9

FF

Something about the evil FF attacking the whole Marvel U? Tong has zher work cut out for zher! But first... POOL PARTY!!!!

Uncanny X-Force - OTP!!!

Uncanny X-Force #8

Uh-oh, Cluster and Psylocke do not look like they are getting along... how will they be girlfriends now?????

Prophet #28

The solicit says that this issue focuses on the great granddaddy of the Prophets, so there may not be any John Ka in this issue. But they do give a name to that weird face-frame that so many costumes from the '90s had! They call it a "crown shield". I call it "needs more spirit gum".

Wonder Woman #22

Diana has landed on New Genesis! I wonder if New Gods and old demi-gods mix?

Shout-Outs:

Gunnerkrigg Court #4

If you're not reading this webcomic about precocious lesbians online, then pick up the collected versions! The hardcover for the fourth cycle comes out today, so you have no excuses!

Red Sonja #1

While it's unclear if this book has any queers outright, it is written by Gail Simone and has a variant cover from basically all your fav women illustrators. So if no queer characters are introduced, at least you know it will be awesome!

Happy Kevin Keller Day!

It's Kevin Keller day! 

Archie Comics' record- and pink ceiling-breaking queer is joining the It Gets Better campaign today, and there's so many ways you can show the love for everybody's favorite Riverdale resident!

1. Watch (and thumbs up!) his secret origin story:

After watching that video I was like, "If Dan Parent is this cool, his daughter must be AWESOME!"

2. Re-Tumbl the official posts on the It Gets Better tumblr, or all the Keller-tagged tumblr posts, like this awesome homage a classic Sabrina cover!

It Gets Kevin!!!!!

3. Like his official page on Facebook, or friend an unofficial him! Or, better yet, friend a real life person whose name is Kevin Keller and spread the love!

4. Buy his new book on Amazon! Or, order every single comic of his over at the Archie website!

I love that Kev is front and center!

5. Follow the tweets of the It Gets Better twitter, like this post about Dan Parent's GLAAD media award and acceptance speech!

How to be a real life Superqueero!

What are some ways you can think of to show the Keller love?

Motel California ¬¬ Teen Wolf S03E06

I picked up some of Lydia After Dark, the uStream where Holland Roden is ridonk gorego and chit chats Easter eggs about the upcoming ep for an hour, and, according to the goss, this is THE Lydia episode, so I am hyped OUT OF MY MIND. Plus, Danny and Ethan get some roMANce. So stoked!

The much-hyped viewer discreation plays. This better the most violent hour of television I've ever watched, Teen Wolf!

We start out with a flashback to 1977, where a bloody recent werewolf bite-ee checks into the fabulous Glen Capri motel... and shoots himself when he starts to turn! And as the blood pools around his wallet (which he left lying out so that everyone would be able to identify him?), we see that he is... the long lost third Summers brother Alexander Argent!!!!! Given his mustache, I'm assuming that he's Colonel Tigh's brother, not Blue Eyes' long lost sibling.

"THE STARS WILL TURN RED AS MY HURR!"
- Lydia's vibe

Back in the present day, the cross country meet has culminated in a night in the seedy motel. Coach hands out keys and tell s kids to pair up and NOT have sex. Right. When I was in school we quad'ed up and that was STILL no guarantee! Meanwhile, Lyds is mad vibin'. 

Stiles and Scott are pillow talking after their hook-up and discussing Darahk suspects: Derek, Derek, Harris, a kid from school like last season, Cora, Dr. Deaton, and... Lydia! Looks like we'll see if that's the case this episode since the ritual sacrifice tradition is three virgins, three soldiers, and three motel teens! Also, i would like to point out that:

  1. That is not nine suspects, so Stiles can't count, and 

  2. SCOTT HAS NOT SEEN STAR WARS! How is THIS the hero of our show????

Jenny takes Derek back to his place (Bow Chica Wow, Wow!), but he starts to lose consciousness. Don't you get it Jenny, he's not interested! Blue Eyes is piecing together Derek's near fatal mall fight from evidence at the mall.

Back the hotel, the creepies start: Scott is gazing at his face in the mirror when his iris turns Alpha red! Stiles sees a trance-y Boyd take out an uncooperative vending machine. Scott, also in a trance, sneaks into his showering ex's room and tries to get it on! No rape though, 'cause touching Allison snaps Scott out of his freak. Lydia finds out that the motel is know for the most guest suicides in the state and their sitting at 198. Given that Boyd keyed in 201 for his evil snack of evil, I'm guessing that that count is about to jump by three! Of course, given how much Isaac likes watching the static on channels 200, 201, and 202, it looks like somespirits ambitions are on the rise!

Allison tells Blue Eyes that SCHOOL IS PAYING FOR THE HOTEL LOL! He calls her out for keeping secrets, since he totes just found blast debris from her flash arrows. I wonder why no calls her out for the outRAGEOUS lie that school is shelling out cash when there is a perfectly serviceable out of doors to crash in. Lyds remarks that the yearly average suicides at the motel are actually better than would be expected for a motel, then hallucinates a double suicide in the next room, which is being renovated, but still has some creepy-as screaming faces in the wood grain.

Normal

No worries, girl, Cora was dead last season too.

Boyd is next to hear voices at the ice machine. He thinks he hears "Alicia" and FINDS A FACE IN THE ICE!!!!! Isaac gets bumps in the night, then starts acting out a scene from his abusive past. Lydia and Allison go to the office... and the number has jumped to 201!!!!!!!

Scott gets a call from his mom, who is outside and in Deucalion's clutches. Deuc tells Scott that he's an Alpha,  so he's going to kill his whole family then he STRAIGHT UP MURDERS DR. MOM! 

Danny and Ethan are hot-as makin' out. 

Shirtless Boy Count: 2!!!

This show is my favs!

Ethan intimates that he's going to be converting Danny, which goes COMPLETELY over our boy's head. Unfort, Ethan's hallucination-induced panic and quick exit do not. Lydia, Stiles, and Allison deduce that the three deaths will be three werewolves (OF COURSE, UGH) and then find confirmation of creepy when the Bible contains newspaper clippings of all the suicides that took place in their room! In their mad dash to escape they find Ethan trying to cut his hallucination out of him with a circular saw! They stop him, and he snaps out, then scoots out.

Jenny and Der talk about how great literature is filled with death, since their relationship is founded on reading alone, and then Jenny's like, "Yo, how you alive, boo?" Der's like, "I got secrets, and I'm dangerous." Jenny's all, "HAWWWWWWT, let's do it."

Boyd's radio starts acting up (where is his roommate, Issac, btw?) and starts playing the police inquisition into Alicia's death. We find out that he accidentally let his little sister drown in an icy pond. Trance Boyd decides to drown himself using a safe as retribution for Alicia

Stiles tells Lyds that he suspects her, while Allison goes to rescue Scott. Lydia hears a baby drowning in the sewers and realizes that someone is about to drown! She and Stiles rush to save Boyd, but without 'wolf strength they're pretty much useless. Stiles gumshoes that heat makes you come back to reality ("Damn, Allison, I think Scott thinks you're hot!" - Teen Wold writers UGH) and goes to the bus to get the flares. Lydia solve the mystery of where Issac is: his hallucination has him hiding under the bed... Nice one, suicide-making-ghost, that will TOTES work 4def. #rollseyes

Anyway, they flare Isaac and Boyd, then go to get the third flare for Scott, Unfortunately, Scott feel WAY bad about not see Star Wars and has decided the only solution is to use said flare for some gasoline-fueled self-immolation! Won't that just snap him out of his trance? And can't 'wolves heal at the speed of plot?

Scott's supes depressed about Big D's "death." Ironically, Big D is putting his D in Jenny's V as McCall emotes his flare off. Oh, and french kissing from Jenny heals Derek's Alpha wounds BARF. Stiles is all Visine tears and Xandering the flare out of Willow's hand, but the suicide ghost starts to push the flair towards the gas puddle and... LYDIA JUMPS AND PUSHES EVERYONE OUT OF THE GAS PUDDLE! Dang, she strong, yo... Plus, in the explosion, Lyds sees a demon straight outta Sunnydale who may very well be our Darahk.

BIG REVEAL!

The next morning, Coach tells us that this was the PRE-TRACK MEET camp out (then why was he freaking out about being late last week??????), but the meet has been canceled due to lack of plot. Ethan sits with Scott on the bus!!!! CUUUUTE! He tells him that Big D is alive, killed Ennis, and now either takes Ennis' place in the pack (vers sub) or gets revenge killed!

Lyds has a vision and solves the Three-n Wolf Suicides: the Darahk put wolfsbane powder in Coach's whistle, so every time he blew it in Stiles' face it puffed powder up the noses of his wolf runners! Doesn't explain the 201 though... Oh, and remember that plot thread about Blue Eyes coming to pick up his daughter that NEVER HAPPENED (Good dad-ing, Dad)? Evidently he was too busy waiting at the nursing home to talk to... a black-blood-bleeding Colonel Tigh Grandpa! Surprising no one, we learn that Alexander Argent honor-suicided because he was bit by... Deucalion. So the Argents are joining Team Teen Wolves!

So I guess the viewer discretion was about all the near suicides? If you're going to put a trigger warning on something, shouldn't you say what it might trigger? Anyway, I did LOVE the ep, and self-harm is terrifying, especially when its characters or people that you care about. And I'm loving that Lydia both cleared her name and solidified her position as psychic loony of the group. Get it, Holland!

Next week we get the vet's secrets and the Alphas come for Big D! Oh, and Scott and Alli make out in a broom cupboard.

SuperQueeros! for July 10th, 2013

DC's New 52 DOMINATED last week's SuperQueeros. Think the other companies can rally the troops this week? SuperQueeros: all that's lesbian, gay, bisexual, transexual, transgender, and queer in comics today!

Batgirl #22

Now that Babs has decided to hang up her cape, maybe will get some page-time for Geeks Out's favorite new superqueero, Alysia Yeoh!

Supurbia #9

This is a jumping on point. So, what have you missed? Well,...

1. Hella climbed out of her hole of self-loathing to save Zari and Sara from becoming Evil Witches 2: The Next Generation, but he butt-head of an ex, Hector, only let her save one of them!
2. She picked Sara, the one least resistive to his corruption and also the Squib daughter of Batu (Think Wonder Woman + Barda). 
3. But with Hector's evil magic having reduced our Superman/Hyperion allegory (and Hella's current boo), to a sweaty, wonkily-powered mess, who can take out this Hell-adjacent ex and save Zari???
4. Also: Has Night Fox gotten back from whining and lounging at his parents' intergalactic estate? Isn't his boy toy, Agent Twilight, still being held captive by evil robots?? Oh, and speaking Robo-Ruth, this is all part of her master plan, right????

Avengers Arena #12

NICO ISN'T DEAD!!!! I guess that's one of the blessings of superqueero physics: it's main operating principle is drama. Anyway,  now that her corpse has been reanimated, it looks like Nico is powered-up and looking for some vengeance! Hopefully superqueero Bloodstone won't end up a casualty in her wake!

Fearless Defenders #6

Valkyrie is the evil Doom Maiden of Rage!!! In addition to vomiting blood, it looks like she's also going to be ending the life of one of the superheroes who showed up to help her stop the Doom Maidens. But will it be her love interest, Dr. Annabelle Riggs? And will this start an Orphean journey to retrieve her from Hela's kingdom? Oh, and can they pick up Howlett's bf while they're down there?

Astonishing X-men #64

Bobby Drake is SNOWMAGGEDON! With NYC and much of the Northern Hemisphere covered in snow, is this the dawn of a new Age of Apocalypse, or can Iceman's teammates and exes, including superqueeros Karma, Northstar, and Mystique, save Bobby from a fate worse than Angel's?

Young Avengers #7

Now that they're exiled from Earth until Wiccan's charm from issue #1 can be reversed, the YA are picking up where Noh-Varr (winner of the Capie for best new costume design) and Hawkeye left off: ridding the universe of Skrull thugs! But how will Hulkling feel about bagging boys whose race he shares, even if he's also half Kree? And, whatever way it is, will we get to see some cuteness from his Capie award-winning relationship?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 9: Freefall #23

Willow and her friends are lagging behind the Siphon and his Slayer. Will they be able to stop him from reversing the course of time, or is the world destined to regain its magic and rewrite the last 22 issues? And what's Billy been getting up to back home?

Demon Knights #22

Vandal Savage has turned the giants to his side (of course...) and now he's on the attack! Will the Shining Knight and zher girlfriend Exoristos be able to protect the Grail????

Chew #35

I covered this issue on June 26th, but it definitely didn't come out digitally then. Check for it at you local comic book store this week, though!

Frayed :( :( :( Teen Wolf S03E05

Funny story before we get started. Did you know that iTunes won't let you screenshot the eps of TV you get from them? So if you legally buy a TV show for the purposes of taking select sceencaps you have to ALSO pirate the material ANYWAY? ... Yeah, that's exactly what I said. ANYWAY, the preview says someone may die... who are you hoping for?

Oh, and does anyone know what geological formation we've opened on?

Is this a hill? Or the moon? Is Teen Wolf in the Delta Quadrant now?

#DerekIsHalfKlingon

Isaac and Boyd and Ethan (Alpha twin(k) number gay) and Danny (totes sharing a bus seat; HOT) and research-y Stiles and forelorn Scott are all on the bus to a cross country meet. Scott flashes back to last night's BIG FIGHT. He watches helplessly as someone falls away from him TO THEIR DEATH (TM).

Meanwhile, Stiles is all, "Let's study for the SAT with the word of the day for every flashback episode: anachronism!" BUT WAIT HOLD ON A SEC! Then he does something that Teen Wolf has never done before: says get MORE THAN ONE word of the day!!! Stiles comes in with "incongruous" (definition: exposition to set up the current scene), "Darahk" (definition: "We have to talk about our feels, Scott!"), and "intransigent" (definition: "Scott, why did you insist on coming to the track meet when you were so mortally wounded at last night's Sock Hop?")

Ab Tease: 1

And in response Scott says... OMGOSH THE DEAD ONE IS DEREK!!!!!!!

The O-Face of Being Fired!

Now that the reveal was made, we get to see that the girls are fine. Allison and Lydia are stalking Scott to make sure they're there when he kicks it and Lydia is all, "Hey, Allison, can you do the first full flashback?"

Allison's all "Sure thing!" and suddenly I'm all, "Do we have to watch this entire episode in this weird filter???? Isn't sepia an anachronism?"

Scott is all, "I found your arrow 'cause I'm a teen werwolf GUMSHOE. Why are you breaking your non-interference pact? You could get hurt!" (<-lawl allison="" amiright="" guy="" i="" like="" m="" s="" smarter="" than="" this="" you="">Editor's Note:

Who isn't, eh?), but then her nail breaks and she's INSTANTLY cowed.

Flirt-Sleuthing Turns Sexy!

Then Scott meets Deucalion in the elevator...

"I'm on my way to buy more bloodshot contacts."

And nothing happens. Also, whose flashback IS this now??? Unless Allison has some Oracle-esque security feed hacking powers she never mentions or uses, I'm pretty sure she can't have seen this.

Scott goes to Derek's lolololoft where the Hales and Boyd are planning a preemptive strike on the Alpha's apartment, which is right above the Argent's apartment, (LOL; also, why did Allison and Blue Eyes move to an APARTMENT when they can afford a HOUSE? And why did they choose one that was 50% Allison's room??) because they totes found out where the Alphas lived yesterday and were all, "Should we tell McCall? Naaaaah, he'll be fiiiine."

Slow-Mo Fight Scene!

We see, in the incongruous scene above, that Boyd got cut by Mark-Saling-from-Glee Alpha. So why isn't he whining as much as McCall on the bus? #character

Back at the Hale House, we get that the plan is to ONLY MURDER Deucalion, and then everything will be fine and daisies! Scott is all, "Uh, ...I know what a hydra is!" Peter's all, "Yup, this plan is DOA. LET'S DO IT!"

Back in Allison's car, we get some Lydia-thoughts:

HOT

HOTTER

HOTTEST

Lyds tells Alli that she's TOTES MCGHOST 4RUHL not boinking Aiden (LAWL) and that they need to stop for gas. Allison freaks and is like, "We can't miss a minute of this exciting car chase!!!"

The traffic really gets to Boyd and he starts wolfing out. Scott flashes back to the elevator ride of evil where Deucalion threatens the Argents, talks about sacrifice, and reveals that he has been evilly riding the elevator all day waiting for Scott to finish pashing Allison and hear his evil rant! Then Scott flashes to watching Derek illustrate the truth-i-ness of Deuc's hot air by taking Mark-Saling-Alpha over the edge. (Unfortunately, this is only figurative...)

Trading six Scooby abs for one Alpha? Injustice!

(Abs Tease: 2)

Cora and Peter are spending the day looking for Derek's body, but no dice at the scene of the crime. Also, Cora, like Boyd, is not suffering from her wounds...

Scott stops Boyd from homo-ciding on school property (again) and Isaac is surprised that Scott is still injured. Stiles starts texting Danny like The Trick Who Wouldn't be Blocked (Coming this summer from TLA Releasing!) to find out why Ethan is constantly checking his phone and Danny's all like, "NO I AM SO CLOSE TO SEALING THE DEAL STOP TRYING TO GRINDR ME, STIIIIIILEZ." Anyway, Stiles' non-stop dick pics work and, in a jealous attempt to win back the attention of his studly seatmeatmate, Ethan tells Danny that he's 4sure worried about his sick friend. What if he doesn't make it through the night?! What if he never sings a sweet duet with his bi-racial half-brother EVAR. AGAIN?!?!

Stiles: "I think he means Mark-Saling-from-Glee!" #genius

Speaking of, we find out what happened to Ennis's body: Morrell, Aiden (twin(k) number str8), and Hippie Alpha all carted it off to Dr. Deaton's office for puppy repairs! After displaying some sort of ability to turn off Cali's glow-eyes (cajones?), Dr. Vet acquiesces to Morrell's plea that he heal the Glee-ject. What is Morrell and Deaton's relationship, btw? Siblings? Exes? Spy buddies?

On the bus, the nerdy track-guy gets lines! This track team is really different (read: not shirtless) from the lacrosse team... Especially given that ALL the lacrosse guys were supposed to join!

Stiles and the girls have a conference call about Scott's wounds and decide they need to take him to a hospital so he can be surrounded by strangers when he dies. Coach steals the scene (INO INO! Lock me up, I must be CRAY) by taking a page from The Catherine Tate show and pulling a Lauren when Stiles tries to get him to pull over. (#quality) So Stiles decides to FINALLY TIE UP A POINTLESS PLOT THREAD and make nerd-track-guy vom. (The word of the day should have been "cudgeled by foreshadowing", amiright?)

The Scoobs miss the hospital, but they do make it to a stank-as public restroom. Everyone is confuzzled by Scott's inability to heal, especially given that IT WAS ESTABLISHED THAT YOU CAN'T HEAL FROM ALPHA WOUNDS. But that's not the answer, b/c Lydia belittles the nards with some brainy realness: "Y'all need to stop reading those lame SAT words. This is somatoformic: all from his psyche." #HOTTEST-ER She decides they need to pretend-doctor him so that he will get pretend-better.

Lyds and Stiles go off to stall the bus (...how?) while Allison hallucinates her mother is alternately berating her and helping her sew up Scott's wounds. #healthy

Shirtless Boy Count: 1

Awesome Eaddy Count: 1 

(Best scene in the ep! Well, after Lyds' thermo HW, of course.)

Scott sees the stitching and starts remembering the fight scene. Allison and Lydia decide to join the boys on the bus since the car is petrol-less. Evidently, this whole Derek-dying fight happened because the Hale-clan followed Scott and his bf Isaac to a peace talk (...in an abandoned mall?) with Deucalion. AND THE TWIN(K)S WERE THERE!!??!!!

SBC: 3!

Speaking of Isaac, the little bundle of damaged goods has beaten Boyd to the punch and is punching a beaten Ethan. Scott stops him, like a hot Alpha, but I left wondering where Danny was when his paramour was getting punched! (Editor's Note: Also, Ethan super Os in this scene.)

Everyone else is converging on the vet's office. Deucalion arrives and straight up one-handed MURDERS his recovered lieutenant (filming conflicts with Ryan Murphy, y'all). Deaton (and the audience) are like, "WTF??? You're still paying for this (pointless) surgical miracle!"

Cora and Peter figure out it isn't Derek in the vet's when Cali "Kaaaaahhhhhhnnnnnnn!"s out her emotions in the parking lot. Obviously, this sets off all the car alarms. (Editor's Note: lol what? how? teen wolf)

Back at the mall, e'erbody fights.

SBC: 4

Also, check out the SFX for McCall's transformation in the scene. It's kinda the best werewolf transformation I've ever seen...

Those are CGI facial hairs!

The Alphas win like they're eating a bowl of cereal. Deuc tells Derek to kill one of his pack and join team Demon Wolf, while also giving a saucy wink to McCall like, "Sandy, you're the one that I REALLY want."

Then, BLAMO! Allison deus ex machinas in and electro arrows the twin(k)s apart, then flash arrows Cali so she can't see. Blue Eyes told her to "thread the needle" (i.e., not piss anyone off), so she doesn't actually wound anyone, but her cool-as archery costuming is very arresting. With everywolf distracted, Scott impetuously goes after Ennis. This is DUMB, so Derek has to save him, and that leads us to the over-teased "Alphas over the edge!!!!" moment.

On the bus, Lydia and Stiles decide that the druidic sacrifices are the real Big Bad and that the Alphas are there to fight it. (Editor's Note: Whew! I'm glad this unimportant side story got some completely unrelated development!) Allison and Scott say "I'm sorry" and Scott is wearing the spare shirt he keeps in hammer space. Oh, and, SURPRIZE!, Derek shows up too! He spent the whole episode waiting in the parking lot for Jenny instead of going to anyone who could actually help him. #brill

"Despite my best efforts, I'm totes not fired!"

PREVIEW!

NEXT WEEK DANNY AND ETHAN HOOK-UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I guess Ethan didn't care that Danny wasn't putting himself in between his face and Isaac's fistigons! This looks like the Saw-genre homage: one room has gay sex, one room has Jenny/Derek hurt/heal fic, one room has Allison and Lydia (hunh what why yuri?), one room has Isaac being tortured, one room has the twin(k)s going psycho with a circular saw, and one room has Boyd all crazy again. This is gonna be AWESOME! 

One last comment before signing off: evidently we have dropped the conceit that Alpha injuries are hard to heal from? Or maybe going to the vet (LOLOLOLOL) after a brawl is so normal for the Scoobies now that it's just not shown in the eps anymore? Either way, the power of Psychic Alpha Claws (TM) just got MOAR psychic, which I'm okay with. As long as they still work on shirts, that is.

SuperQueeros! for July 3rd, 2013

Happy Pride! Have you checked out the comixology.com spotlight on LGBT comics? I'm definitely checking out Lost Raven, the series about a poz Kazar-type! Otherwise the week is pretty light... Only two books popped up on my sensors as queer-inclusive. Surprisingly, they are BOTH from DC! SuperQueeros: all that's lesbian, gay, bisexual, transexual, transgender, and queer in comics today!

 EDIT: THE MOVEMENT #3 is out today!!!!!!!! Did you see lat months awesome reveal of the most awesome bisexual weather weild-er the world has ever seen????????????

Earth 2 #14

Alan Scott - our gay Green Lantern - joins up with Doctor Fate and the Flash to take on Steppenwolf, the invader from Apokolips who killed Earth 2's prior trinity of Wonder Woman, Superman, and Bruce Wayne. But where is Hawkgirl in all this?

Stormwatch #22

Apollo and Lobo fight! Then Lobo joins Stormwatch! If that's the PREVIEW, what more could happen in this issue????