Those guns! ::swoon::
Graham, like a total n00b, follows a dragging body into the boys locker room. Does she not KNOW how many people die in that locker room? The only way to survive that room is to have a six pack and a look of naïve confusion. She has neither and bites it in this super crazy prophetic time loop. Oh, and that Darach is soooo a zombie.
Jaw articulation is for suckarZ!
After Lydia and the Scoobs find the body, Sheriff Dad and Stiles make up some backstory for the Deputy they just killed. Hey, her name is Tara! Maybe she'll come back as a lesbian vampire!
Back at the Argent house we get some payoff for that whiney coddling from the first ep: Allison takes advantage of Blue Eyes' inability to enforce rules and skips school to dress like Black Canary, grab her shiv, and bag her Oliver Queen.
I dub thee Allisaac.
Which is totally fine because Jenny is biting it as an English teacher. She does give us both the word of the day AND the theme of the episode, though: idioms! Speaking of idioms, Stiles and Scott (S&S) decide to dodge past Aiden (twin(k) number straight) and see if they can play on Ethan's (twin(k) number gay) budding love for Danny('s nipples) to get some info on their druidic serial killer.
Speaking of those loving brothers, Aiden's gives an ultimatum to his bro: now that they know that Danny's a nudnik in the plot department (aside from his metaphysical research papers), either break up with him or Tall, Dark, and Handsome is going to become Tall, Dead, and Faceless!
Str8-y gets to keep his nookie, though. Lydia is ever the player, especially when S&S ask her to play Aiden while they go after Ethan. For the first time this season, though, Lydia and Aiden talk to each other, and it's this rapid fire play-by-play of the whole season that reveals (1) Lydia and Aiden know about each other's positions in the rival packs and STILL make out on the reg (though not for the last week. #RIPBoyd) and (2) the Alphas know all about that time that Der-bear and Boyd tried to off Lydia because the Alphas were totally fanwolfing over last season and watched every ep twice.
Before Aiden can get Holland's autograph, though, Derek runs past the closet and scratches his vengeance symbol on the window.
Actually, it's not Derek, it's Cora, steppin' up to the plate and providing the moody Hale feud-fueling! She gets a few shots in on Aiden and Ethan is alerted to the battle via sympathetic twin(k) pangs. Speaking of twin(k) pangs, he's just been revealing his Secret Origin to S&S: the twin(k)s were "bitches" from an abusive, ultra-violent pack who by-their-powers-combined murdered their abusers. Anyway, Aiden slaps Cora with a barbell disc and Lydia makes break-up face at him .
Okay, NOW I think you're a monster.
Back on Blood Brothers Stealing Girlfriends, Isaac and Allison are getting totes flirty and uncover that Blue Eyes has his own magic celtic knot on which he has written all the categories of sacrifice victims: Virgins (check!), Warriors (Check! Thanks, Mr. Harris!), Healers (Check!), Philosophers (Is this the cycle that we're on? That was probably the whole reason we got backstory on Tara helping Stiles with his homework), and Guardians (Tara seems much more like one of these, but this probs meant to be the Scoobies).
Cora lays down the guilt on S&S and Lydia for being lazy do-nothings, then jetd to go have a concussion. Across campus, Boy-Hale meets up with his lady friend to discuss how traumatized they are from having watched Boyd get murdered in front of their eyes (and on their claws) last week. Then they make out.
Scott decides that Ethan was a dead end, so he goes to get some answers out of Morrell. She says that she's the only thing standing in between the Alpha pack and the Scoobs, that Deuc is gunning to turn Scott into a baddie, and that Deucalion's talking in idioms Scott has no hope of understanding.
Meanwhile, Stiles is driving Cora back to Castle Hale when he gets a call from Allisaac telling him that the Guardians, like his dad, are teh next targets and that he better come out to Sheriff Pop tout de suite! Unfort, no one gave Dar that message, and he vanishes/murders the history teacher at BHH.
At school, Lyds freaks when she trances over to the kidnapping scene. She comes out to Jenny and the rest of the school as "psychic" (read "crazy").
At the Stalinski house, Stiles (with Cora in the room) tells his dad he's about to explain a big idiom to Sheriff Dad. He tapes a bunch of different colored Post-Its to some chess pieces to represent the different vocations of the Beacon Hills monsters. Sheriff Dad plays message board and asks a whole bunch of questions about last season's plot holes. While trying to wolf-out and prove that this show is not a complete fantasy-wet dream, Cora succumbs to her concussion and falls into a coma.
At the Argent Penthouse, Allison decides that her daddy is taking after his old man and becoming eViL!!!! She decides to take the fight to her father at... some abandoned something. Allisaac find out that Blue Eyes has playing Mission Impossible 8: New Moon and trying to save the Darach victims by shooting lots of hand guns bang!
Everyone threeway calls and decides that the last third of the episode will take place at Boyd's memorial concert where another teacher is gonna get murder-tized. Look out, Jenny!
The Stalinskis make a scene at the hospital in a bid for an Emmy (A++ for actings!) and Ethan makes Danny promise to find him when everything goes to hell later. Because he definitely doesn't have a homocidal look-a-like.
A++ 4 teh cute-xorz!
Lydia tells Scott she wants to accept her weirdo powers and join the field squad to try and save the teacher-target before yo is murdered and- WHAT?! The rival couple to Allisaac is Sclydia?!?!
Meanwhile, Der-Der is super sadxorz/PTSD at his sister's bedside...
Is lil' sis dying?
...and Doctor Mom and Sheriff Dad are once again teaming up to be confused in teh hospital away from all the action. ...I mean research a lead.
The concert starts and the conductor is way hot.
Lydia gets a text from Aiden and goes off to meet him. Unfortunately for her, Aiden tells Ethan that he has lost his phone. Now the mind-effs start in earnest. Lydia hears some chanting (surprise the orchestra are Darach zombies!) and... Jenny is the Darach!!! Mind-eff #1!!!!!
Jenny goes in for the kill, but Lydia grabs the garrote and does a killer Yellow Ranger DinoScream alerting every werewolf in the city to her plight and position. Which means mind-eff #2...
She a BANSHEE! (No, for literals, she is! Jenny tells her so!!!)
Her scream powers underdeveloped, Jen-Jen is unfazed and ties her up, tightening the wire around her throat and pulling out a knife when... MIND EFF #3 LYDIA IS SAVED BECAUSE THE PIANIST IS ACCIDENTALLY EXSANGUINATED BY A BROKEN PIANO WIRE TO THE THROAT WELCOME TO FINAL DESTINATION 17: NEW MOON!
Mind eff #4 is for Sheriff Dad: he is the first to answer the Banshee's cry, and as a reward he gets a knife to the chest and then sees a wolfed-out Scott coming to Lydia's rescue. Jenny dispatches Scott like ain't no thing, so Sheriff Dad tries to distract her with his research. Evidently, our beloved English teacher died YEARS ago from Darach-type wounds! (Editor's Note: Aw! That means that he believed his son's ridiculous story about monsters!) That means that Derek got jiggy with this guy:
They say you date people as attractive as you think you are.
Something you want to tell us, Der-Der?
Oh, and then Sheriff Dad gets kidnapped.
PREVIEW TIME! Looks like the coin toss for Big Bad has been decided and Deucalion gets to be the villain that Jenny/Darach and the Scoobies team up to murder! She's using her magical healing to guarantee Cora's survival in exchange for immunity in the team-up, so I guess maybe that barbell disc was made of mountain ash wrapped in wolfsbane and mistletoe? Either way, Jenny gets SO MANY butt-kicking-ly awesome lines next week!