We start with a recap of Werewolf Physics and Torture, so this ep is getting off to a good start! Then we move to Human Anatomy, where Doctor Mom is rushing patients into ER. "I need some lines, stat! (My rent is due!)" Evidently there has been a million-car pile-up and the surgeon is MISSING and- didn't they do this episode last season???
Hey, did you remember that werewolves are evil clerics?! I didn't, but Scott did, so he heals an extra like, "This is normal! Phoenix Down!"
Then Ethan rushes Danny in, all not-visibly-but-mortally-wounded!!!
"Help! He's too hot to touch!
(Also, ignore that head trauma victim, plz)"
The back-up doctor has a NAME (Dr. Hilliard), LINES and a PLOT?! Last season that woulda meant nothing, but with the new "continuity" thing TWs is trying, THIS COULD BE IMPORTANT! (Spoilers: it's not.)
NP, guyz! Dans was just poisoned with some mistletoe in his... onions and black-eyed peas? Y'all know you stopped shooting this in ATL, raight? Also, isn't that the nifty werewolf-poison we learned about in ep 4? (Yeah, I had to google it too.) So someone thinks Danny is a 'wolf? #foreshadowing? Oh, n/m, Danny is still dying, but Dr. Mom adrenalines him back to the land of the living.
Hot Shirtless (Dying) Boy Count: 1!!!
Dr. Hilliard is killed by butterflies.
So the Darahk uses magic insects to kill. I wonder what those fireflies were for? "The first victim had photoptarmosis!!!!" #TWstyle
Anyway, the butterflies were the teleporting kind, so Dr. H's car rolls driverless into the hospital lot, Scott and Dylan decide the two missing docs are sacrifices, and Sheriff Dad clues us in that they've found a body.
At the murder scene, Blue Eyes, Deuc, and... Aiden? stand around watching, not suspiciously at all. Well, Deuc listens to Aiden narrate the murder scene because, you know, blindness. Also, I guess that means we know why the twins got hired into the Alpha packed: seeing-eye houseboys!
Derek is sleeping when the Ranger Alert goes off and Alpha 5 and Zordon tell him that he needs to get down the the Angel Grove docks!
Will I ever stop laughing at this?
Cora's like, "Nah, we just got death-threat graffiti'd."
Cute Sleeping Boys Because Dr. Mom Might Be the 3rd Victim.
Jenny-the-Reincarnated-Ms.-Calendar is substituting for the science teacher because all the real substitute teachers are dead, Beacon Hills High's teachers only EVER work half days, and the show ran out of money for incidental characters. Also, this scene has NO relevance to the rest of the episode. Scott gets a call from Dr. Vet who IS THE THIRD SACRIFICE OMG AWESOME.
Soz, Dr. Mom. Better plot next time!
Oh, the Blue and Black Rangers show up to play Home Alone at Chez Hale.
At the vet's office, Scott and Stiles tell Sheriff Dad no clues. Scott's all, "Stiles, you need to come out to your Dad! What will happen when you marry Derek? Will you invite him to the wedding???" Stiles is all, "Okay, let's tell him I'm dating a werewolf!" BUT Ms. Morrell has beaten him to the punch! (Oh, btw, she's Dr. Vet's sister.) She shoos the cops away and tells the boiz, "Use your magichound, DUH!" Then she disappears for the rest of episode. #nicesister
Since Stiles isn't cluing in his dad, Dr. Mom decides to team up with him. She explains how the doctors have died (rope crucifiction).
At school, Cora pulls the fire alarm to clear all the extras out of the plot, then goes to see Lydia and is all, "Stop boning Aiden or I'll go all demon-wolf on you!" Lyds is like, #notphased, but then Stiles busts in with a oujia board. #notkidding #logic
Scott and Deuc decide to team up to find Dr. Vet by fighting and then sharing a cryptic clue about currents, which is good because Stiles' psychometry experiment (think Longshot's powers) with Lydia isn't working and Stiles is ignoring the fact that his automatic writing experiment did work: Lydia started drawing the tree from episode Danny-in-the-music-room! They go to find the D-dawg himself, and Scott splits off to go get a boner in the closet with Allison. (God I wish I were kidding.)
Also, Allison forgot to change out of her Little House on the Prairie costume. Embarrassment 4totes!
Anyway, Blue Eyes has a secret map of all the sacrifice locations (Spoilers: there are as many sacrifices as Cylons!) , so Scott gets a snap of all the potential drop locations. Stiles steals Danny's report on Darahk Murder Locales (And Deucalion's Cryptic Clue) and the two super-sleuths triangulate.
Back at Power Rangers HQ, Hippie Alpha cuts the power, thereby circumventing all one of the McCulkin-traps. Derek wolfs out, then Cali reveals her plan: the twin(k)s will kill Ms. Calendar unless he agrees to an ALPHA WOLF PUDDLE CAGE MATCH! I guess Jenny knows she boned a dog now!
The Scoobies (Cora, Lyds, Stiles, and Scott) figure out that Dr. Vet is in the vault set on soundstage 2, but then Cora gets a text from Boyd: "Hy grl, ur bro abt to be killd @pimp loft. B thurr or b^2" Scott takes Deaton and Stiles uses his magic Jeep powers to get Cora to the cage match.
At the bank, Deaton is surrounded by ash and Scott goes red-eyed trying to get through the wolf-field. Not sure why he didn't try a broom... Anyway, Sheriff Dad shows up (How? Oh, evidently the bank is a celtic symbol that means "Find the Vet at the Bank") and straight-up shoots Deaton down! Looks like Allison isn't the only Hawkeye on set! Anyway, Deaton tells Scott he's a "True Alpha", so he won't have to kill anyone to go all red-eyed in the finale. **YAWN**
The rest of the Scoobs turn on the power at Chez Hale, but in the ensuing hullabaloo the Alphas force Derek to kill Boyd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No One is Happy About This, TW.
BUT THEN!!!!!!! we get a flashback to Erika (hey grrl!) waxing poetic about some new lunar eclipse plot point making werwolves stronger (Strong enough for Boyd and Erika to pull a Peter Hale??????) before Cali kills her.
At Colonel Grandpa's, Blue Eyes lets us in on the fact that Tigh knows all about the Darahk. Allison busts in when he leaves: "Maybe I can get some relevance to this season now!"
And the preview says... Nope, it's a Cora ep. But Gerard does start talking!