Diary of a Diseased Wench

Being a geek is a double edged 1d10 two-handed sword with +4 against born again orcs: on the one hand, a lifetime of rolling around naked on a pile of Alan Moore titles has left me physically frail with no immune system and a psychosomatic dependence on orange soda. On the other hand, when all that inappropriate hugging and kissing of platonic friends that I'm so fond of finally bites me in the ass and puts me on bed rest with the infectious disease of the week, I have many more means of distraction at my fingertips than your average infected bag of mostly water, and in some twisted way can find a sort of productivity in catching up on TV shows, video games and the occasional picture book with the word shapes.

After coming down with flu, I took some time off from my hectic schedule of bemoaning my life choices and painstakingly crafting the facade that I've got my shit together so I can give my father the impression I've risen above all the neurosis and mistrust of others he instilled in me in a child because somehow that will mean that I've "won" so I could recharge and cleanse myself of the toxins I more than likely invited into my body with open arms. This involves lots of time playing the Wii, catching up on Season 3 of Avatar: The Last Airbender, and writing "I will not mention my inappropriate obsession with Princess Peach on the SB Podcast" over and over on Hello Kitty stationery. In that time, I had lots of time to think, ponder, contemplate, and other shit I say the booze and weed"helps me do". And I've come with a modest list of questions, observations, and comments that I had nowhere else to post.



1. Mario Party 8 has a minigame where you race. in. carts. Now, this doesn't perturb me because I think that as a loyal Nintendo fan I deserve fresh, new content in lieu of cheap re-hashings, but because they could have replaced HALF of those stupid, gimmicky mini-games with hollow, dollar store doppelgangers of other popular Nintendo franchises if I, as a fan, had known that was an option. Hmmmm. Boring "raise the flag" minigame that tires my arm out with a useless and arbitrary exercise not necessary for anyone who doesn't live near a well, or a pedantic Super Smash Brothers clone that makes you fight on Yoshi's island and everyone's just a different palette swap of Diddy Kong? Gee, I wonder what the lesser of two evils is there. Who designed this fucking game, Xzibit? YO DAWG, I HEARD YOU LIKE VIDEO GAMES, SO WE PUT MARIO IN YOUR MARIO SO YOU WILL NOT REALIZE WHAT A HORRIBLE FAILURE RED STEEL WAS!

2. Only two kinds of people will actually use the dislike button on Facebook: those who want to acknowledge the stupid article you posted a link to before reading all the way through yourself without actually taking time of their day to tell you what an idiot you are, and those who want to post status updates and links and articles about issues and opinions they feel really strongly about, and troll and/or de-friend anyone who thinks that "free speech" means you should get to press "dislike" on someone else's link without having to defend your point. Ironically enough, these are two groups that both coincide and oppose each other at the same time. I'll tell you what, it finally feels good to belong to both sides of an issue.

3. I've noticed that unlike most shows, who's plots sort of dwindle over time, The Venture Brothers has developed such a rich and complex universe around it that later episodes seem to be scratching less and less of the surface as the series progresses. I may be wrong in this, and truly hope that I am, for if this is true, then the possibility that I will find myself shaking and shivering while in line to get into the VB panel at Comic Con to get answers to all the questions left lingering in my mind after the show ended two years ago is now very real. Fuck. So far, I have to say Handsome Ransom is the best episode of the current season. I may or may not have been swayed by Kevin Conroy's voice acting and a truly unfunny reference to Mark Wahlberg's funky bunch.

4. I'm going to see Boondock Saints 2 this weekend. I'm not sure why. I think it's because after years of Daleks and Slytherin House and Terminators, it will be refreshing to see racism in its truest form; people with weapons. Might also sneak into Where The Wild Things Are while I'm there.

5. Do they have a Netflix for books, and if so, what is it? And don't be a smart ass and say "library". The last time I visited my local library it didn't have a book on my subject of interest published more recently than 1995. It could also be used for comic books, if you want to read some past issues of a title to get some backstory without having extra titles laying around the house you'll never read again. I know I sure as hell wouldn't want to be caught with One More Day just laying about all willy nilly on my kitchen table.